apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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