What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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