just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
