I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
