im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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