Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
