I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
