Jerry, you need to find god
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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