Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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