Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it glows. i had to have it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
