Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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