addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
