my phone needs a breathalizer
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
what day is it and did you see me today?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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