I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
