Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Randomize
