I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
