What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
