Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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