Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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