he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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