I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
