wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
