please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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