i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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