Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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