I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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