My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
