I forgot how hot balto sounded
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
