Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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