I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
