New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
