Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
