My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
