The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
