How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
