lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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