yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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