Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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