There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
