the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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