Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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