My underwear smells like fireworks.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
