Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
