Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
