mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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