You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
