I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
