I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I need moral support for this bender
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
