what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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