I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
