Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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