she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
